Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
