carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
