I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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