Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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