Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
