You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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