Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
