If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
