I will die if light touches me.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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