getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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