Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
