it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
