Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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