She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
