i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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