I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
