I want to have your abortion
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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