We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
