i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
