u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
