Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
