ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
