My friends, they love my intelligence
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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