non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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