you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
