Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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