On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
