Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm always down for nudity.
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