You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
