i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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