i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
