I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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