why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
