The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
