why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
