yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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