Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
