Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
