hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
