9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
