Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
