my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
