If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Welp...herpes.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
