I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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