somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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