In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
