we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
