just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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