remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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