If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Drunk is not a location!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
