Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He passed out mid-signature
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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