We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize