oh fat girl friday strikes again...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
