..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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