well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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