i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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