all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
