Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
