i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
