So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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