Pants 0. Shit 1.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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