Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
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