I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
