when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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