There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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