ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
