i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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