i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
