The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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