I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
