my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
